I have lead numerous Men's groups and talked about what it means to be masculine,but as I turn my attentnion to Mother's Day, I find myself asking,"What does it mean to be feminine?" Many men are looking for a clear definition of what it means to be masculine and I have to believe that many women are trying to determine what it means to be feminine.
Why all the confusion? I believe it is because we define ourselves more by our roles than by God's rules. For instance, many men are confused because their role in society has changed. They used to be the sole-bread winner and the predominant presence in the work force. Now, many women are in the workforce and men are at home, helping with domestic responsibilities. Men used to be the tough, rugged and macho man like John Wayne, but then a softer, compassionate and more emotive man began to be betrayed, like Tom Hanks. As women, rightfully said we want to be equal, this morphed into some women saying they want to be the same. Thus, leaving men asking themselves, "If women are not only equal to men, but the same as men, then what does it mean to be masculine?"
As this has been the case for men, I hear from women some confusion as well. It is less confusion about what it means to be feminine, but more confusion over whether or not they should feel guilty. I hear women struggling with guilt regarding their ability to do all things and be all things to all people. In their wide array of roles, they are trying to be a terrific mom, supportive spouse, successful provider/contributor to the household, deligent in working out and even a responsible church member. Yet, with all of these demands, many women are tired and feel guilty because they don't know if they are doing well enough in all of these areas. They feel as though they are never able to give any of these areas enough attention. Guilt gives way to fatigue and more guilt.
What do you think? Does this resonate? What do you think it means to be feminine? I hope to have some dialogue on this and perhaps alliviate some stress, some guilt and unrealistic expectations.
Beams Away!
Brett
I don't see society's roles for women defining their femininity as much as it does for men and their masculinity. For a woman to be seen as feminine, it's not so much about what she does (as you say being all things to all people, or carrying out all the things she's supposed to do) but more about how she looks and behaves. Is she pretty? thin? dress nice? polite? hair and nails done? eyebrows plucked? These are the kinds of things I look at when I ask myself if I am feminine, although when I'm wearing my work boots and holding a hammer to help remodel my house, I sure don't feel, or look, very feminine, but give me and hour, I'll take a shower, put on a dress, heals, and make up... then I feel/look feminine.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with Stacy. Society is more about appearance when it comes to a woman's femininity rather than a role. To me, femininity is a much more (yikes, should I say it) shallow in description than masculinity.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't to negate women who feel guilty about not being all things to all people, which I have been known to fall into that category many times. But the guilt tends to stem more from the nurturing side of most anyone. (Granted, some are more nurturing than others and it is also different based on the circumstance. Just ask my husband and he can tell you stories about my "un"-nurturing side as well as the nurturing.)
My very masculine husband is the stay at home parent and works part time at night. We decided it long before we got married and it has worked out well for us. However, I do at times feel guilty about the arrangement wondering if we made the right decision about me working full time. Does my working full time respect my husband's role as the head of our family?
For my husband and I, it really comes down to a deep understanding of what Ephesians 5:22-33 means in our marriage relationship. I do my absolute best to respect my huband and his decisions. My husband does his absolute best to make decisions for the best for our entire family. Do we succeed each and every time? No. But that's where forgiveness comes in and we try again.
I may have got a little off topic there, but the two topics seem to be very interwined for me.
Personally I love being a woman! I love dressing up, wearing make-up, having my husband romance me and take care of me. I love when my children come to me for love and support. I love comforting a hurting friend. My struggle is I cant take Gods place in their life. Lord help me to have balance.
ReplyDeleteKim, you and Ken have a very special relationship. I see Gods love in both of you! Stacy, I love your comment about the hammer and boots:)