Don't Let Your "But" Hang Out

Have you ever had someone apologize by saying something like "I am really sorry 'but'...."? In our culture where blame has so pervasively replaced personal responsibility, I see this most poignantly when people attempt to apologize for their own behavior. Often times instead of taking full responsibility for one's actions, we tend to let our 'but' hang out there and that simple little word has such power because it automatically erases our apology, and whatever we say after that little word is simply a rationale to excuse our behavior; and it leaves the offended still feeling offended.

This is such a part of human behavior and it dates back to the very beginning. Adam and Eve were the first to blame and excuse their wrong behavior. Adam and Eve, when confronted with their wrong behaviors blamed God, blamed each other and blamed the serpent. They offered no sincere apology or regret for their behavior. Ever since then humanity has followed this lead. (Yes, some of you might suggest, "Adam and Eve never used the actual word 'but' in their failed apology to God." This is true, but I suggest that the 'but' is implied and perhaps since they were only covered by fig leaves, their 'but' was already sticking out a bit.)

However, I am not blaming Adam and Eve, otherwise, I'd be doing the same thing. Instead I need to look at myself. When I apologize to my wife or my kids, to my parents, my neighbors, my coworkers or even the person in line at the grocery store, do I let my 'but' hang out? Do I accept full responsibility for my behavior without qualification or rationalization?

This new year and new decade I offer some simple suggestions when apologizing.

1. Thoroughly confess what you did wrong. (this is humbling, but essential to be thorough)
2. Do not use the word 'but' anywhere in your apology
3. Express your regret for how it must have made the other feel. (this requires entering into the other's word and consider the impact of our behavior)
4. Don't tell the other that you are sorry, simply ask for forgiveness (this takes you as the offender out from a position of control and by asking the other for forgiveness, you allow the one you offended to be in control. Scary isn't it?)

What would the world be like if we all committed to not let our 'but' hang out? What would be the impact on future behavior? Would relationships be safer? How would it affect politicians? How would it affect my interactions. Would my marriage improve or decline? What would have happened if Adam and Eve practiced this? Such a simple thing can have such a significant impact? What are your thoughts?

Sorry this is so long, but I had a lot to say. Sorry if you find the usage of the word 'but' offensive, but I thought it was funny and effective. Sorry I am not practicing what I have just suggested in these apologies, but it takes time to put this into practice.

Brett

"God Bless America!" Why?

I keep hearing how the United States is a Christian country. Is this true or not? I don't debate whether or not we were founded upon Christian principles and operated more as a Christian country upon our first 100 years. However, what does it mean to be a Christian country and how do we determine that we are a Christian country? My concern for this is that calling ourselves a Christian country assumes an incredible responsibility regarding how we live and relate to the world as representatives of Christ. In other words, if we are a Chrsitian country, do we reflect Christ in our government policies and contemporary culture?

The basis by which I hear people argue that we are a Chrisitan country is that 80% of people profess to be Christian. This seems to be a meager measuring stick for claiming to be a Christ follower. The book of James says that we should not merely listen to the word, but do what it says. Furthermore, that same book tells us that faith without deeds is a dead faith. Also, Jesus in Matthew 25, tells a parable about people being like sheep and goats and there He makes the point that profession is not the litmus test for true devotion to Christ.

What do you think? This blog is devoted to taking the beams out of our own eyes as Jesus instructed us to do. So what are our beams in our own eyes as a country? Are we truly a Christian nation? What is a Christian nation and how can one tell? What must we do to either become or remain a Christian nation? One thought is to change our tag line "God bless America" to "God bless the world through America." Now that would be indicative of a more Christian nation.

My Own Worst Enemy is In Me

Recently, Urban Meyer, a living legend amongst college football coaches, abruptly and unexpectedly decided to step down from coaching in order to reexamine his priorities related to faith and family. This came as a shock to so many of his team and other sports fans. Apparently, he had been experiencing chronic chest pain over the last four years and his health had become somewhat compromised due to the stress of coaching.

I watched and listened to Sports Center's coverage of this breaking news and was impressed at this man and his decision. He looked to be a handsome man in the best of shape and appeared to be a man of integrity. I admired him and could even relate to him a bit. Not because I am in the best of shape, nor am I suggesting that I am a handsome man. But I could relate to his stress.

As people were describing him, they shared his singular focus on Florida football. They admired his all-out commitment to Florida football and how he gave 110% towards Florida football. Over and over again, I kept hearing how he gave his life to his job, and there is where I can see a bit of myself. I think we all can see a bit of ourselves in Urban Meyer.

We as human beings can give ourselves to so many things. Some things we give ourselves to are celebrated and other things we give ourselves to are condemned, but there is a similar dynamic involved whenever we give our lives to something. Whatever we give our lives to, becomes our master. And whatever things of this world we allow to become our master, becomes our destroyer.

I think this is why Jesus was so extreme in his calling upon our lives to abandon all else in order to follow him. Jesus knew that anything in this life which we give ourselves to will become our master, and it will become our destroyer, no matter how good that thing may appear to be. Jesus made such and extreme demand on our lives, not because he was insecure and needed our love, but because we are insecure and can self-destruct without him.

What have I been tempted to give my life to in the past? As I ponder this questions, I am tempted to share concrete examples such as jobs or people. But, in reality those things are just symptoms of what I was really giving my life to. In reality, I have given my life over to such things as... Success, Acceptance, Admiration by others, Control. Those are the biggies.

So how about you? What are the biggies in your life?

This Christmas, Cry A Little With Christ

Over the weekend, we watched a family movie called "Christmas on Division Street." It's a 1991 film staring Fred Savage (The Wonder Years). We anticipated this to be a fun, warm-fuzzy family movie that got us into the Christmas spirit. We had never seen the movie, but it sounded good on paper. However, it was not a warm-fuzz,y feel-good family movie. Instead it was a hard, tear-jerker that depicted how a young boy deals with serious loss during the holiday season, but also how good came out of tragedy and tears.

The whole family was deeply moved and many tears were shed as a result of the movie. It was not what we were expecting. We expected a Christmas movie to make us feel good, happy, comfy and cozy. But, is this was I expect around Christmas - absolute joyfulness? Absolute joyfulness that is absent of awfulness is not joy, it's denial. I must not forget that I can be joyful in Christ's birth because I have been awful since my own birth and Christ came to give me a new birth. Thus in order to more fully appreciate the joyfulness of Christmas mustn't I also take time to appreciate the awfulness of sin in the world which Christ came to address?

As I witnessed this movie's affect upon my family's emotions, I wanted to rescue them and reassure them that everything was okay, because I wanted them to be happy, especially during the Christmas season. But, then I remembered Jesus' words, "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." And so I said to myself "Cry on kids! Cry on!" Maybe we should all "Cry on," on Christmas. For it's only when we feel the sting of sin and its horrible affects on a hurting world, that we will be able to experience the deeper comfort and joy of Christ during Christmas. Maybe when we cry a little over the awful affects of sin can be truly joyful that Christ came. I believe Christ still cries on Christmas, for when He was on earth he was a "man of sorrows" and the Bible tells us he cares about us, loves us and understands how we feel.

May I take the beam of denial out of my eye so that I may cry on this Christmas and thereby feel the deep comfort of Christ.

Thoughts? Beams?

"I'm Smart Enough, I'm Good Enough and Hey People Like Me!"

Do you remember the old Saturday Night Live skit done by Al Franken as Stuart Smally? He would look in the mirror and teach us how daily affirmation are the key to feeling good about ourselves? Recently, I heard of a new "syndrome" called Imposter Syndrome. People who experience imposter syndrome have difficulty internalizing their successes which they achieve. Even when confronted with proof of their successes they will deny it or attribute it to luck, timing or their ability to deceive others regarding their intellect or abilities. Also, they are concerned that others will find them out and discover that they are really a fraud. Furthermore, greater achievements do not result in greater assurance, but only contribute to diminished confidence.

Do you have Imposter Syndrome? I do. Who doesn't? But look!! The psychological field has discovered a new syndrome which contributes to a condition in most humans I call "normal." This used to be called low self-esteem, but now it has been repackaged so new books on old topics can now be rewritten.

However, there is another book, ancient as it is, which was written over 4,00o years ago and completed about 2,000 years ago, which addresses this same problem. The Bible addresses this new confounded syndrome as a universal human condition, referred to as "sin." When we have trouble internalizing our successes we are simply experiencing fear. More specifically fear of what others may think. The Bible calls this fear sin, because whatever we fear, we allow to control us. Whatever we fear has our allegiance. That is why we are commanded to fear God and not people. Not because God has low self-esteem, and needs us to need God. But because in Christ, our Creator, we find meaning, purpose, peace and a love which drives away fear. However, apart from Christ we find bondage to what others think, we feel trapped by conditional relationships and caught in a never-ending cycle of performance-oriented interactions.

My solution to the Imposter Syndrome is not in daily positive self-affirmations, but is through recognizing that this is just another beam in my eye. A beam derived from my own sinful condition. A beam when removed by confession to God and authentic interactions with others will enable me to see myself more accurately as a sinful person yet a redeemed person through Christ.

Are you an imposter like me?

Seeing the Beams Amongst Woods

Many of us have heard about Tiger Woods and the alleged affair(s) he has had. But, amidst all of the public voyeurism into the private affairs of the Woods family, how much have we examined the beams in our own eyes? Jesus asks us why do we try to take the speck of saw dust out of our brother's eye, when there is a beam in our own eye? Don't these words of Jesus from 2,000 years ago accurately characterize our society today?

There is much questioning over whether Tiger Woods can make a come back from this incident and whether or not Nike or Gillette will support him because his image is now tarnished. My question is why did we have such an inflated and inaccurate view of Tiger in the first place? Why are we surprised that someone had an affair? We have over 5,000 years of human history which relentlessly documents our propensity to self-destruct. I wish we'd get it by now. I wish we'd learn that humanity is never meant to be put on a pedestal and admired, because we will always be disappointed. I wish that our Creator were the only one put and kept on a pedastal and admired by the creation.

Instead of looking at the Woods family debockle, I wish incidents like this would cause us to look at the beam amongst the Woods that is in our own eyes. I look at Tiger and see everyone of us. I look at Tiger and see a person who is weak, who is prone to looking for love in all the wrong places, who is competitive because he can't stand to lose, who is good at hiding behind a mask of competence and accomplishment. I look at Tiger and I see all of us. I look at Tiger and I see myself. Can we all look at Tiger and see the beam amongst the Woods?

I welcome your thoughts,

Brett

Having Sight, But Too Busy to See

Helen Keller once said "The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." I would echo her words and also add that it is a regrettable thing to have sight but see no revelation. It's really a simply matter of logic to conclude that God created us and revealed himself to us in order that we might see Him. In addition to logic, the Bible tells us that all of creation speaks to the glory of God. But do I see God as He is revealing Himself to me?

I enjoy driving in northern Minnesota and Wisconsin. Not only is it beautiful in its scenary, but bountiful in it's wildlife. I particularly enjoy seeing an occassional deer when driving. As the family drives we will see the ever-present "deer crossing" sign and we all keep our eyes peeled for deer. This lasts for about 60 seconds until we are distacted by something else, or prefer to go back to playing the ever-popular "ABC" game. However, quite accidentally one of us will happen to see a deer along the side of the road (not lying on the road mind you). We all stop what we are doing and admire the beauty of this majestic animal. Then we vow to keep looking, which will last for about another 120 seconds before we are distracted with the mundane antics that midigate our ever-present boredome of driving hours in the car. But I wonder, how many of those majestic deer do I miss as they reveal themselves from the trees, simpy because I am no longer looking for them.

I believe this is similar to God's revelations to us. There are times when God intervenes in our lives which is quite disruptive in order to get our attention and reveal Himself to us. Often times its is during a crisis of some sort, and as a result we turn back to God. The 9/11 act of terrorism is a great example of how our nation turned back to God and we yearned to see revelations of God to us. But how often do I miss God's everyday revelations to me, because I fail to pray, fail to read the Bible or fail to believe that God yearns for me to see God and enjoy His beauty and majesty? Could it be that God yearns for me to witness his revelation to me every day, so that I might enjoy God, walk closely with God and share God with others? Could it be, that although I have sight, I am too busy to see?

Jesus asks in Matthew 7:3, why do we judge others and try to take the speck of saw dust out of another person's eye, when we have a beam in our own eye? He tells us that those beams inhibit our vision of others and I would suggest that those beams inhibit our vision of God as well. What are the beams in my eye that keep me from seeing God's revelations to me? Pride in my own eyes, Busyness in life, Independence from God, Indifference towards God. How might my life be different if I effectively remove those beams from my eye?

What are the beams that keep you from seeing God's revelations to you? How might your life be different if you effectively remove your beams from your eye?

Brett